13 Things a Burglar Won’t Tell You

The other day a couple of 20-somethings were wondering around my sub-division after dark knocking on doors pretending they were canvassing for a charity. They were very offended when I made them talk to me through the shut door and more offended 20 minutes later when I was watching them continue their supposed volunteerism with my precious .327 Charter Arms Patriot on my hip. Fact is no one sends to pot smokers out to collect money from sub-divisions (that have visible “No Soliciting” signs) after dark so clearly this was a scam.I deduced they were looking to see who was in each house, maybe for home invasions or just plain old petty theft.

Coincidentally I was up late on the catching up on the Zombie Squad forums when I saw this post which I thought I’d share. this list goes around a lot but people never seem to really take heed so I’ll use what little influence I have to get you to think about how you operate. Enjoy:

1. Of course I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your Carpets, paint ing your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator.

2. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in Your Yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to Make my Return a little easier.

3. Love those flowers. That tells me you have taste… And taste means There Are nice things inside. Those yard toys your kids leave out always make Me Wonder what type of gaming system they have.

4. Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up on the driveway. And I Might leave a pizza flyer in your front door to see how long it takes You to Remove it..

5. If it snows while you’re out of town, get a neighbor to create car And Foot tracks into the house. Virgin drifts in the driveway are a dead Giveaway.

6. If decorative glass is part of your front entrance, don’t let your Alarm Company install the control pad where I can see if it’s set. That makes It Too easy.

7. A good security company alarms the window over the sink. And the Windows On the second floor, which often access the master bedroom – and your Jewelry. It’s not a bad idea to put motion detectors up there too.

8. It’s raining, you’re fumbling with your umbrella, and you forget to Lock Your door – understandable. But understand this: I don’t take a day off Because of bad weather.

9. I always knock first. If you answer, I’ll ask for directions
Somewhere or Offer to clean your gutters. (Don’t take me up on it.)

10. Do you really think I won’t look in your sock drawer? I always check Dresser drawers, the bedside table, and the medicine cabinet.

11. Here’s a helpful hint: I almost never go into kids’ rooms.

12. You’re right: I won’t have enough time to break into that safe where You Keep your valuables. But if it’s not bolted down, I’ll take it with me.

13. A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alarm System.

There’s more at the post, including the advise to use wasp spray as a self-defense weapon. While it’s true that wasp spray is much more effective than pepper spray at disabling an attacker, the fact that it’s a known poison that has warning labels telling you to never spray it on a person means using this technique may get you in hot water in a blue state or anywhere trial lawyers can win big judgments. Unless civilization breaks down, save the wasp spray for bugs.

Cross posted at my other blog Red Alerts: The American Survival Blog


4 Responses to “13 Things a Burglar Won’t Tell You”

  1. DodiaFae on March 9th, 2011 9:15 pm

    I just came across this article abut this very thing while researching the RI online news for information about the Woodmansee case…

  2. Concerned resident on March 10th, 2011 4:15 pm

    Thanks for this, also be on the look out for another one of these ‘good samaritans’;
    - late 20′s (possibly early 30′s)
    - around 5’6″ (could be shorter as my door step is raised, so it’s hard to properly judge height)
    - buzz cut but with a receeding hairline
    - dirty blonde/sandy hair
    - seen twice in sub-division in Mauldin

    He’s been to my house twice; first time he practically forced his way in when I wasn’t paying attention and was offering cheap artwork for sale… second time my wife answered and he was offering to clean out the gutters, saw me and then quickly left.

  3. Rob Taylor on March 10th, 2011 5:49 pm

    Thanks for posting this. I’ll probably put up something on this.

  4. Word on the Street: Suspicious Character Spotted in Mauldin Sub-Divisions : Greenville Dragnet on March 10th, 2011 7:02 pm

    [...] safe to assume it’s no good. A concerned citizen left this comment on my post called 13 Things a Burglars Won’t Tell You: Thanks for this, also be on the look out for another one of these ‘good samaritans’; – late [...]

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