More on That Phony Fitch Rating for Greenville

Remember when I said buying Greenville bonds was dumb partially because Fitch gave them a AAA rating based on the idea that Greenville was getting 7% on investments to fund their pensions which were already in the red?

Turns out the rush to get that rating was because of new accounting rules going into effect that would , among other things, give investors a more accurate picture of a pensions:

Under current rules set by the Governmental Accounting Standards Board, public pensions are estimated to be about 75 percent funded. This June, like Moody’s, GASB approved new guidelines that would shrink that estimate to 57 percent. GASB’s rules take full effect by 2015.

[...]

Among other things, the new accounting rules from Moody’s and GASB limit the rate of return on future investments that pension funds can assume for accounting purposes. Most government pension funds assume a 7 percent to 8 percent return, which critics say overstates future investment income.

Unions and many pension fund managers dispute that critique, pointing out that investment returns have surpassed that over the past several decades, even if recent history has been more difficult. Still, others say the changes are long overdue and will better reflect the funding situations of public employee pension funds.

Which also explains why Greenville went to Fitch not Moody’s but whatever. Put simply this means people can’t blow smoke up your ass about how well investments are doing to pay for pensions. Most pensions are lucky to get around 2% on their investments and that’s no where near enough to keep from going bankrupt. Neither is 7% by the way.

So again – buy Greenville bonds and you’re a sucker.

Worst Farmer Ever Found in Cowens!

Apparently some guy from Ohio has a tomato farm down here. Tomato prices actually went down this year which is probably why he let the harvest rot rather than pay for labor and processing. The problem is his neighbors are suffering because of this.

Damn you Yankee carpetbaggers!

Big News! Laurens Gets First Female Trash Collector!

Fox Carolina has a slideshow dedicated to the greatest achievment evah! There’s now a woman picking up garbage in Laurens. A woman! How can hr delicate hands move the big, heavy garbage cans we designed to be immovable to all but the strongest men? How will the fairer sex deal with the maloderous aromas coming from discarded kitchen waste? This is mind blowing stuff.

Frankly I just forked over the $15,000 to have Traci Bingham deal with my garbage – I got a discount because she’d hit a dry spell but it’s kind of a hassle to have to supply her with a case of wine every garbage day. And she doesn’t sort the recycling. Hack.

Then again she’s the best plumber I ever hired:

Infamous Escort “Classy Cissy” Claims She has DA in Her Pocket!

And not the one in her pants! Anyway someone claiming to be the now near legendary “Classy Cissy” aka Elizabeth Anne Winter dropped by an old post I wrote about escorts being targeted for robbery and left a series of what I assume are drunken comments that seem to indicate she thinks I’ve offended Jesus by blogging about hookers on a crime blog. Also if I had a female relative who turned tricks I’d be more accepting of turning tricks or whatever.

Before I continue let me give you some background on this. I’ve never written about “Classy Cissy” but I had heard about this story, because it’s pretty crazy. She owned a deli with her mother and for some reason decided she’s start “escorting” on the side. The police caught wind of this and hilarity ensued:

SHELBY — Police say a restaurant owner moonlighting as a high-end escort was arrested in an undercover prostitution sting Thursday.

Elizabeth Anne Winter, 53, agreed to perform sex acts with an undercover Shelby Police Department detective for two hours at a price of $600, according to a magistrate’s order. Winter owns the Winter House deli at 219 E. Marion St., where she worked with her mother for more than three decades.

Winter met the undercover detective, who told her his name was Chuck, at the Holiday Inn Express on East Dixon Boulevard. Police Chief Jeff Ledford said tipsters had alerted officers to Winter’s possible involvement in prostitution.

“It really unfolded like a lot of these cases do,” Ledford said. “If someone sees it and suspects it and they let us know, we take the ball and run with it.”

The detective was in contact with Winter for several weeks before the Thursday night appointment. Ledford didn’t say what happened during the sting, but said such undercover operations are “choreographed to meet the elements of the crime.”

After the arrest, police learned that Winter maintained an escort website called Classy Cissy North Carolina, Ledford said.

Now the verbose commenter who claims to be Winter has made an outlandish claim in one of her mini-screeds:

BTW: After all was said and done the DA called me into his office and wanted to know if I would like to have an affair or Friends with Benefit’s with him every Saturday morning.Told me I could have all the free advice and protection I wanted.

Justice? And what was it you said about a pimp. I guess my new pimp is the DA…….Totally the truth. Classy Cissy

Yeah, right. Now, let me say right now I do not believe this for a second. If I may wax philosophic for a second I’ve been around a long time and I’ve lived a full life. I’ve met all kinds of people and for you younger readers out there you’re going to come to the same understanding about people I have when you’re my age. I won’t ruin it for you but basically, everyone you ever met will be pretty much like the people you know now, hopefully more mature. There are no precious snowflakes out there and there is no one out there that’s unique.

That said believe me when I tell you that women who aren’t being pimped out but who turn tricks, “high end” or not, are usually drug addicts and the ones who are not addicts have some issue where they need to comodify their sexuality in away that isn’t satisfied by just picking up rich dudes in bars. I don’t know that Winter does or does not do drugs but let’s say she doesn’t. Let’s say she just decided that to unwind while running a deli by meeting strangers online for sex and charging them money like a hooker. People like that tend to lie, including to themselves.

I don’t know if this person is lying to be important but I do know this is an outrageous attack on a public official if it is a lie. If it’s true this corruption is borderline evil since the DA is taking advantage of someone who clearly needs some sort of help. Personally I think it’s a lie.

I’m sure there’s some litigious lawyer out there willing to sue ‘Classy Cissy” for damages. And if you’re a public official making arraignments with crazy broads you should make sure they’re discreet.

Mother of the Year Locks Infant in Hot Car While Running World’s Stupidest Scam

This did not happen in Greenville but it’s such an asinine story I wanted to put it up. Christina Parris was arrested at a Home Depot where, according to reports, she was using counterfeit checks to buy materials that she planned on selling later. When she was arrested she had her two month old baby locked in her car which was not running and all the windows were up essentially turning the vehicle into a solar oven.

Police found the lap top and printer she was using to counterfeit checks at her house – along with $20,000.

Now here’s the problem. Buying things and reselling them isn’t illegal, it is in fact how millions of people make a living. They all do this without counterfeiting checks.

And Parris didn’t need to counterfeit checks at this point because she had $20,000 in her house to invest in buying and selling things but she kept pressing her luck. Why? I have a theory – Parris was buying things at full price and selling them at a discount so she never made enough money to cover doing business the right way. Or maybe she just really liked printing up fake checks.

Imagine if Parris put this ambition into something that wouldn’t land her in trouble with the law. What if she took out a loan or bought stuff on credit cheap and sold it for more? You know, like if she ordered incense on Amazon prime (free shipping) she could get six boxes of Nag Champa, which is very popular with the new agers and stoners, for $8. If she then sold them online or at fairs or whatever for $2 a piece she’d be making a $12 – a $4 profit for every $8 she spent. Or she could go to the used book stores and buy books cheap to sell on Amazon, that’s what those people who show up to used book sales with hand helds are doing. They’re checking prices and demand on the marketplace so they can buy something cheap and make a profit.

And none of them go to jail!

But then again if Parris was a good and honest business woman who worked hard and smart to make an honest buck we’d never know she was the kind of mother who bakes their kid in a hot car until it’s too late. So her criminal stupidity actually may have saved the life of her child.

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