Glenn David Elwood is a Pervert (and Goodwill has Great Security)

This is Glenn David Elwood of the Batesville Drive Elwoods. While most red blooded 27-year-olds are out picking up chicks or hitting the strip club Glenn – who i assume is a very busy man – has streamlined the process of satisfying his libido by taking care of his business while out shopping. At Goodwill.

Apparently Elwood was at the Goodwill on Haywood Rd when the mood struck him. And by mood I mean he spotted a woman in a skirt. Rather than wasting time striking out with said woman or wasting money tipping dancers Elwood ducked under a conveniently located table and used his cell phone to snap what he thought was surreptitious pics of the undercarriage of this Helen of Haywood, whose very beauty drives men mad. Pressed for time he began pleasuring himself to the pictures there rather than go all the way home to enjoy his ill-gotten visual booty. Perhaps he had other appointments.

Goodwill is, as you may know, not that sort of establishment. Workers saw the pervert and detained him for police. There’s no word on how much guff he’s taking in jail for being pinched by the staff of Goodwill.

Another odd note on this story – Greenville News hack Paul Alongi wrote up a report that was mostly in English. Maybe he does better work when he’s interested in the subject.

So … has Elwood not heard of the Internet?


10 Responses to “Glenn David Elwood is a Pervert (and Goodwill has Great Security)”

  1. Loup on August 30th, 2011 4:41 pm

    This is a good reason to “clean the pipes” before you leave the house in the morning. although, going number 3 in Goodwill IS on my Bucket list… LOL

  2. Rob Taylor on August 30th, 2011 5:04 pm

    Why the Goodwill though? Better talent in Target!

  3. Trish Deneen on August 30th, 2011 6:29 pm

    lol…You’re in fine form today Rob. That was a hilarious piece. What is it about guys whose eyes are so close together?

  4. DodiaFae on August 31st, 2011 12:11 am

    ROFLMFAO @ “number 3″.

    Trish… maybe his mother drank heavily when she was pregnant? I don’t know. You’re guess is as good as mine.

    Rob, that poor exploited woman aside, this was a very funny piece.

  5. Stephen on September 12th, 2011 4:03 pm

    Also a BJU graduate. lol.

  6. Rob Taylor on September 12th, 2011 4:15 pm

    If they didn’t have a great museum I’d call for that place to be shut down. It’s a synagog of Satan as the BJU people might say.

  7. jason on September 14th, 2011 4:55 am

    I wonder how many demerits he got for that one. I hope enjoys that big black log in prison

  8. Bryson Gilstrap on September 14th, 2011 5:01 am

    I used to hang out with this guy. I always wondered why he enjoyed having a conversation underneath the bathroom door while I was Poopin. I think his eyes where designed for that being close together and all.

  9. bryan foster on September 14th, 2011 9:15 am

    i was there with him they didnt catch me im his right hand man if ya know what i mean. Yeah he is my role model til he got caught got find me another right hand man

  10. Bryson Gilstrap on September 14th, 2011 11:30 am

    His beautiful closely positioned eyes are so cute. I think about him when I am at rest areas jacking off with other men like me.

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