Glenn David Elwood is a Pervert (and Goodwill has Great Security)
This is Glenn David Elwood of the Batesville Drive Elwoods. While most red blooded 27-year-olds are out picking up chicks or hitting the strip club Glenn – who i assume is a very busy man – has streamlined the process of satisfying his libido by taking care of his business while out shopping. At Goodwill.
Apparently Elwood was at the Goodwill on Haywood Rd when the mood struck him. And by mood I mean he spotted a woman in a skirt. Rather than wasting time striking out with said woman or wasting money tipping dancers Elwood ducked under a conveniently located table and used his cell phone to snap what he thought was surreptitious pics of the undercarriage of this Helen of Haywood, whose very beauty drives men mad. Pressed for time he began pleasuring himself to the pictures there rather than go all the way home to enjoy his ill-gotten visual booty. Perhaps he had other appointments.
Goodwill is, as you may know, not that sort of establishment. Workers saw the pervert and detained him for police. There’s no word on how much guff he’s taking in jail for being pinched by the staff of Goodwill.
Another odd note on this story – Greenville News hack Paul Alongi wrote up a report that was mostly in English. Maybe he does better work when he’s interested in the subject.
So … has Elwood not heard of the Internet?