Gun Wielding Everyman Charmingly Bungles Two Armed Robberies

But he did get away with a red 2001 Ford Taurus. Unfortunately for Greenville County residents who want to be on the lookout for this everyman in a red 2001 Ford Taurus,  Greenville News reporter Paul Alongi doesn’t think  journalistic minutiae like a description of the criminal are worth his time. He also paints a  picture of a puckish rogue who’s more a source of amusement than danger in some of the worst crime reporting I’ve seen in a long time:

Employees at two pay day lending stores near each other in Greenville told police on Tuesday that a gunman demanded money from them, but he ran into a problem.

Neither business had any cash on hand, officers wrote in incident reports.


The employee in first incident told police that the gunman said she was going to have to give him something, so she offered up the keys to her red 2001 Ford Taurus, an officer wrote.


The employee in the second incident told police that the gunman asked, “How do you give out loans if you don’t have any cash?” She told the gunman that the business gives out checks only, the officer wrote.

No injuries were reported.

Oh ho! Good spirited chicanery of the sort Robin Hood and his merry band of rapscallions would indulge in I’m sure.

News Channel 7 paints a somewhat different picture of the events, and provides readers with both a description and a picture:

According to incident reports, the first robbery was at First American Cash at 347 South Pleasantburg Drive in Greenville around 9:30 a.m. Tuesday.

The victim says, the man camed to the door when it was still locked, saying he needed a money gram.

She let him in, and he pulled out a gun and demanded money.

The suspect said, “Sorry sweetie I gotta do this.“

The victim opened the drawer to show him it was empty, but he told her she was going to have to give him something.

When the victim gave the suspect her keys he pointed the gun at her again and yelled for her to lay down flat on the floor.

So she didn’t merely offer up her keys to the man as an act of charity? Why that’s not what Paul Alongi said. And his report lacks the details that would make the gunman seem menacing. Interesting. The Channel 7 report continues:

The suspect is described as a black male, 25-30 years old, wearing a dark colored jacket with white trim.

On surveillance video he was wearing a black baseball cap and a pair of dark sunglasses.

Oh look! A description of the criminal. That will come in handy to anyone who might run into the suspect or know something. I guess The Greenvile News doesn’t think giving information to the community that the police think may help solve a crime is the job of their reporters.

And what about that delightful exchange with the second victim that Alongi makes sound like a scene from a sitcom? Here’s the way News Channel 7 lays it out:

The victim told him she did not have any cash at the business and she opened up the drawers to show him she did not have anything.

The subject said, “Well how do you give out loans if you don’t have any cash?“

The victim explained that they only give out checks.

The suspect got angry, told her to get down on the floor, and then left.

I imagine a woman being told to lie down on the floor by an angry gunman who wasn’t able to get what he wanted wouldn’t find the scene so delightful. But then again, I’m not a reporter for the The Greenville News.


One Response to “ Gun Wielding Everyman Charmingly Bungles Two Armed Robberies”

  1. Fern George on November 19th, 2009 12:31 am

    The Greenville News almost never prints racial descriptions of people when they commit crimes. If a good samaritan who happens to be black helps an old lady it’s “Black Man Saves Octogenarian” but Heaven forbid we find out that a criminal isn’t white. All I care about is being able to identify someone.

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