Recession Closes Greenville Lottery Office – Compulsive Gamblers Hardest Hit

What the F*&% Do You Mean I Can't Cash My Scratch Offs in Greenville?

Don’t worry Jennifer Tilly, you can cash in your scratch offs without leaving Greenville proper when you come to visit (play a hand of Faro with Greenville’s most famous crime blogger) as long as you’ve won less than $500 at any lottery dealer, and winning tickets can still be redeemed by mail if they’re between $500 and $100,000. But if you win more, you’ll have to go all the way to Columbia to collect.

Not that anyone really wins more, since lottery tickets are not so much a game of chance as a IQ test. The more tickets a person buys, the lower their IQ is. At least if you played poker (or a real man’s game like Faro) you have some control over the outcome but buying lottery tickets is like over tipping a stripper – it’s a waste of money, you aren’t getting anything out of it and if you ever do get lucky it’ll be worth less than $100. Lotteries are a con game that target suckers and compulsive gamblers, you’re better off at the ring toss at the carnival.

I’m betting that mysteriously there will be no more big winners in Greenville. I’m also betting most people who win the lottery pay a more than their winnings over their lifetime.


One Response to “Recession Closes Greenville Lottery Office – Compulsive Gamblers Hardest Hit”

  1. Ajax the Great on November 14th, 2010 11:11 am

    They don’t call it the “idiot tax” for nothing, you know.

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